Your husband began to linger "at work", it smells of someone else's perfumes, he stopped responding to your requests, lost interest in your family? You understand that another woman's husband appeared... Pain, disappointment, bitterness of betrayal, fear of parting strangle you. Do not despair! Take matters into your own hands!

Even if everything is all right at yours at this stage, still we recommend the article to be read, because it’s knowledgeable - it means it’s armed. According to statistics, 56 percent of men cheat on their wives, and 76 percent think about it. A competent approach to this problem will allow you to resolve the conflict as safely as possible and provide an opportunity to preserve the relationship.

What if my husband is different?

Suppose you came home earlier than usual and found your husband in bed with another woman. The first thought that comes to mind is to bring down rage on her husband, his mistress, and chase them away. But reputable psychologists have a different view on this situation, focusing on a single goal - to preserve relationships. The first thing you need to do is take a leading position. This means that you should, without waiting for when both start making excuses and look for a way out of the situation, make the mistress leave your home.

Further need a conversation with her husband. But it must be built not on accusations, but through the prism of accepting the situation. You need to say that you understand him in part, because it is difficult to resist a very attractive woman.

What follows is that you understand that to some extent the fault lies with you - perhaps somewhere you were too busy and did not give him proper attention and warmth. Therefore, it is logical that. This is where the principle of psychology works: if you blame, so to speak, hang the blame, then the reaction of any person is to throw it off. And if you take the blame on yourself, then the man turns on the brain - he realizes that he, too, is very guilty, and there is a desire to do something pleasant for you to soothe your pain. Those. in this unpleasant situation it is important for you to help save the man’s face.

After that, you can proceed to discuss the conditions of later life. Then ask a man for a gift, because he hurt you.

In order to minimize the risk of a lover, try to follow the following points:

• Release the man.

Men love freedom, so give it to him. Do not call him often, do not control where he is with whom, what he does, etc. Remember that anyone needs personal space.

• Defend your own boundaries.

You should announce that in the event of such a stressful situation arising / recurring you will take action and will not take into account in any case. Do not allow to use yourself.

In any case, cute girls, carefully analyze and decide whether to fight for a relationship. After all, both should be interested in them, it is always a two-way process.

Signs of adultery husband - how to define adultery? Faithful husbands today are very rare. Statistics show that three men out of four are cheating on their wives! At the same time, three women out of four assume that their husbands are loyal to them and only one suspects adultery ... Every year many women learn with horror that the husband has intrigue on the side and faithful, as it always seemed to them, the husband wants a divorce. Others are, to put it mildly, unpleasantly surprised to find in themselves a sexually transmitted disease ... Third, stunned by the fact that family funds were spent on the maintenance of his mistress. Signs of betrayal, a lot. It is better to be moderately vigilant, so as not to be the last to learn about treason.

Treason husband is always shocking woman. What are the signs of infidelity and how to determine the betrayal of a husband or loved one? Here is what you should pay attention to if you suspect that your husband is unfaithful:

• Appearance. A man tries to look especially attractive when he starts an affair on the side. He begins to monitor his appearance, visits the gym to emphasize his masculinity and updates the wardrobe. The simplest and most noticeable signs of likely treason are increased attention to your body, underwear, and hygiene.
• Attitude towards you. If the husband has another woman, it will inevitably change his attitude towards you. After all, now you own only a part of it and its energy, the other "walks by itself." A man becomes less attentive and detached, or, on the principle of overcompensation, trying to make amends for his fault, strengthens external signs of attention.
• “Zaparki” and trawls at work. This is the most common way of “masking” the time spent communicating with your mistress. Of course, if your husband is a hard worker and always fanatically devoted himself to the cause, this is not a reason to suspect him of infidelity, but if he “suddenly” began to devote himself to work or the schedule of his employment changed, and he chose to go on business trips, there is every reason to think , in time to recognize the treason.
• Family budget. Work has become more, and less money - a sure sign of infidelity and adultery of her husband! Entertainment on the side costs money, and if a man changes, it will affect his attitude to money: he will be less willing to invest money in family affairs, because a calculator works in his head that knows that "pleasant" expenses are waiting for him elsewhere . A man can cut the family budget, finding for this different reasons.
• Mobile phone. The modern way to find out the truth about her husband's betrayal is to look at his mobile phone, where you will surely have sms for his new mistress or your rival's calls. There is also a very extreme way to check for treason - contact the detective agency, which secretly makes the details of calls and sent SMS messages. The husband will be completely unaware of the "investigation" you have conducted.
• A machine. Mistresses sometimes deliberately leave "evidence" in the glove compartment, under the seats and other places inside the car, which is a meeting place. Be attentive to all strange and incomprehensible things that have come from, as well as to change the location of the seats.
• Sexual life and health. Of course, the appearance of a sexually transmitted disease is 100 percent proof of infidelity and adultery. All the talk about swimming pools, saunas and other "miracles" of possible infection is a game of naivety. If you suspect a man of treason, first protect yourself from STDs. The change in the usual schedule of sexual life is also a sign of his betrayal!
• Habits in everyday life, food and sex. Over the years, certain habits have been developed in every movement, action, word and manner of expressing one's desires. If you notice some changes, it means that there appeared one that affects a man and changes his habits or lexicon. Automatism in everyday life, food, sex changes only with new, pleasant and relaxing communication.
• Holidays. Time to give presents and collect them! Men are extremely scattered, confusing which woman has some favorite perfume or what size of underwear and clothing. If you donate "not your razmerchik" - this is no accident ... Someone is fooling your man’s head.
• Computers and dating sites. By the way, quite unobvious way of betraying a husband. Often dating sites really are a hotbed of easy pleasures and a way to find entertainment on the side. Having hooked up on such a “hook” of emotional dependence on the Internet, a user may spend hours sitting at a computer, but sometimes a man there finds a way to pour out the soul to a stranger, restoring in such a way internal balance.
• Relationship with familiar women. Men do not like to go far and most often change with those whom they know well - with family friends, co-workers, neighbors. Therefore, first of all, pay attention to his relationship with these women. Your mutual friends are not always distinguished by strict morality, and often for their own pleasure, they are ready to do an unseemly act.
• Signs and smell. If a man at the end of the working day smells not afterwards, but as women's perfumes, this is a serious argument in favor of her husband's betrayal. Traces of lipstick on the shirt, the appearance of his little new things, are gifts and tokens of another woman, the disappearance of something that is dear to you, but what the other woman wanted, and the unfaithful husband "made her nice", etc. .

If a woman is attentive to her husband or beloved, a lot of household trifles can give a man and tell about his infidelities. Finding clear signs of a man’s treason, always remember your goal: is it important for you to get to the bottom of the truth or to keep your family? Maybe you want to know what's really going on, but try to

Good day!
  The problem is the following: the husband has another woman (about six months). She does not leave the family (expelled more than once), says that she cannot, that she wants to live with the child (son 4.5) .... went to her sister once, returned three hours later, and every day after work until late at night was with us.

She doesn’t know what to do, she seems to have a head that she must live with us, but she still runs there ... she was included in our family, as a friend, and during difficult family relations, she gave her husband full support and understanding . He tells me that he will not be with her or with me ... she also writes sms "I will always be with you."
  In a relationship 7.5, married for 5.5 years.
It is clear that it is very difficult, I insisted on making a certain decision .. either she or we ... but he is naturally silent .. after I learned that they have a relationship ... our relationship is very good, what kind of that care and understanding, in intimate life everything became great, and for both of us.
  Tearing apart ... and without it is bad and so not possible ...
  The girl left her family, a husband, a child of 8 years .. lives alone now, and is always ready to meet with her husband.
  I am at a loss, I do not know what to do, or to be wiser? Shut up? Either go to the end and drive a life like a broom ??? The son loves daddy very much, he is sorry for him ... and I love him without a mind myself ... and if I knew that this was all temporary, I would have suffered .... but I also cannot live with hope ... talk to her ??? I don’t know ... such ladies probably have a stake over their heads ... we are not the first family in her life ... the husband builds some joint plans for life with me ... and immediately goes to her (trying to hide it carefully ) he vomits everything not with words, but with actions ... He says, I understand how painful and difficult it is for you, he worries, and at the same time he says that he cannot do anything with himself.
Help!!! The family wants to save, and I want that my husband would be happy, happy at home ... Is it worth it to meet and talk with his mistress ??? Or drive a husband ... I do not know ...

Psychologist's answer:

Hello Irina.

Very sad story. In the crisis of your husband you are not guilty. Just because women do not change, especially since you have a child. It is very convenient to say that he can do nothing about it. The responsible person does to save the family. If he does not seek to realize everything and return, then he does not know how to do it. There are no similar skills in his life strategies. Therefore, he will torture himself and you. He wants to sit on two chairs. I understand that you want to know in advance whether he will calm down or not. But, it does not have an internal core, therefore, you will not receive a transparent answer from it. He is not a man of his word. The solution is to take all the determination on yourself. In many ways, you contribute to his uncertainty. Since he knows that he will cry, and you will open and forgive and understand. You invest his indecision and immaturity with your patience, understanding, forgiveness. And he exploits your kindness. And so it will be infinite, until you become resolute and confident. He must first be warned that you are giving him one last chance. And what more do not let go back. Who lives - let him feed there. And close the door. Do not read SMS, do not accept his calls. Try to live your life, regardless of what is happening. After, for example, two weeks, you can listen and talk. If you promise to be with you, take a promise from him and let him into the house. And to warn that the second time will be the last. And, if you let me down for the second time, then cut off the path home completely. It is difficult, but it is the only way to make your life understandable, and motivate it to maturity and maturity. And you start to live your life. Build new relationships. If he changes and has time to turn you back to his side - decide what you should do. If you find a decent man by this time, then stay with a decent one. Talking to that woman makes no sense. Since only his decisions are important. In the case of your passivity, you will be in the role of victim for very long times.

Hello. I am married 19 years old. Two daughters. I never thought that I would face something like this. My husband got another one. He met her at the May holidays. We have a small city, information quickly dug up. 34 years old, adjustable, raising a daughter 5 years. Married was 2 weeks. I learned that she has a lot of men and lives at their expense. Calls them "friends." So. Husband like crazy. He left for several hours, turned off the phone. In short, a nightmare has begun in the family! I knew that he was with her, and on coming home I hung noodles on my ears. I cried, scandals, all to no avail. I learned a lot of things about her, told him, tried to open my eyes. Nothing. Truth has always said that he will not leave his family and loves me. And I can not understand how it is possible to love two! I connected to his phone via the Internet and read their correspondence. Tears a lot, did not write about love, but flirting was present. Then he found out about her men and had a fight with her. Well, as I had a row, I mocked him with mockery. They stopped communicating. Well, I thought everything. Relationships have improved. I tried my best. In late October, he congratulated her on her birthday through VibER. And off we go. Again began to communicate. Every morning, "Good morning," every evening, "Good night." Everyone figured out who they are now: friends, buddies or acquaintances. Remember the old days. Regretted that they did not save the relationship from the "alien" eyes. Relations, I mean sexy, they did not have. That's for sure. Then they quarreled again. And three weeks ago, she wrote to him. Communication again. She is not lost. She asks to bring something to work, then to pick it up from work. She will write what handbag she has seen, then she has entered the jewelry store. I see that spins in full. With me gentle, trying not to serve the form. And I know everything and I can not believe how these eyes can lie! I try to save marriage in every way. From time to time I do not hold back and roll up the scandal. But I can’t give specific arguments. Lying that someone saw someone said. And I read everything myself. Life has become a constant tracking and suspicion. The worst thing for me is that he believes that there is nothing wrong with their communication. And every time I fear that the relationship will resume. I can not switch to anything. On the page in the VC to her several times a day went when they did not communicate. He needs to know how she lives, what she breathes. And he looks at me with a tender look. And I do not believe and do not know what to do. I have heart problems, really afraid that something would happen. And I can not worry. I tried to make an indifferent look. Enough for a couple of hours and again a breakdown, a scandal. He will kiss me, calm me down, and again silence for a couple of days. And I read. He really acts on me, knows what to take. We just have such affectionate relationship has always been. In general, I do not know what to do and how to proceed. And I wrote to her and called. Nothing. Another scandal with her husband. He is behind her. Very afraid to cross it. She wrote to him about it. And when I found out about her and called. The conversation was shocking! The impression was made that she had not spoken to the wives for the first time. Behaved calmly and confidently. With giblets passed her husband. She told me like a friend, where he drove her what he bought. Even called prices. Horror!!! How to be? Help advice. Already really afraid to go crazy.

Svetlana, Belarus, 38 years

Answer:

Hello Svetlana.

Apparently, this woman is attracted to such communication (or relationships) when she has to compete, feel triumph, strength, and even more so if she lives at the expense of men, she is a skilled manipulator. Either men are just a way for her to provide for herself, and from her side there can be no feelings at all. Your husband may have had a financial boost, and this has attracted such women, or he may be in some kind of stagnation, a crisis, and he needs such an “outflow” when he needs to concentrate his energy and energy on such an explosive situation. This may help not to think about something more disturbing. First you need to stabilize your condition. You have already come to obsessive behavior (tracking, checking), it undermines your mental state. Refer to the psychotherapist, you need medical support, in addition, of course, individual counseling / psychotherapy. Support your nervous system, consult a neurologist. Or the usual therapist can write you a support plan. With my husband - you need to go through this period. If he does not pay her something, she will lose interest in him.

Sincerely, Arina Y. Lipkina.