How does anxiety manifest in children. Forms of manifestation and types. How to help an anxious child

What is anxiety? The word "disturbing" is noted in dictionaries since 1771. There are many versions explaining the origin of this term. The author of one of them believes that the word "alarm" means a triply repeated signal of danger from the enemy.

The following definition of anxiety is given in the psychological dictionary: it is an “individual psychological feature consisting in an increased tendency to experience anxiety in a wide variety of life situations, including those that do not predispose to this. "

Anxiety should be distinguished from anxiety. If anxiety is an episodic manifestation of anxiety, anxiety of a child, then anxiety is a steady state.

For example, it happens that a child is worried before speaking at a celebration or answering by the blackboard. But this concern is not always manifested, sometimes in the same situations he remains calm. These are manifestations of anxiety. If the state of anxiety is repeated often in a variety of situations (when answering the blackboard, talking with unfamiliar adults, etc.), then we should talk about anxiety.

Anxiety is not associated with any particular situation and is manifested almost always. This condition accompanies a person in any kind of activity. When a person is afraid of something specific, we are talking about the manifestation of fear. For example, fear of the dark, fear of heights, fear of confined space.

C. Isard explains the difference between the terms “fear” and “anxiety” in this way: anxiety is a combination of certain emotions, and fear is only one of them.

Fear can develop in a person at any age: in children from one year to three years, nightly fears are not uncommon, in the 2nd year of life, in the opinion of A.I. Zakharov, the fear of unexpected sounds, fear of loneliness, fear of pain (and related fear of medical workers). At 3-5 years old, fears of loneliness, darkness and confined space are characteristic of children. At 5-7 years, the leading fear is death. From 7 to 11 years old, children are most afraid of "not being the one whom they speak well of, whom they respect, value and understand" (A. I. Zakharov).

Each child has certain fears. However, if there are a lot of them, then we can talk about manifestations of anxiety in the character of the child.

To date, a certain point of view on the causes of anxiety has not yet been developed. But most scientists believe that in preschool and primary school age one of the main reasons lies in the violation of parent-child relationships.

The authors of the book "Emotional Stability of a Schoolboy" B. I. Kochubei and E. V. Novikova believe that anxiety develops due to the presence of a child's internal conflict, which can be caused by:

1. The conflicting requirements imposed by parents, or by parents and school (kindergarten). For example, parents do not let their child go to school because of poor health, and the teacher puts a "deuce" in the journal and reports to him for missing the lesson in the presence of other children.

2. Inadequate requirements (most often overpriced). For example, parents repeatedly repeat to the child that he must be an excellent student, they cannot and do not want to come to terms with the fact that a son or daughter receives not only “fives” at school and is not the best student in the class.

3. Negative requirements that humiliate the child, put him in a dependent position. For example, the teacher or teacher tells the child: "If you tell me who behaved badly in my absence, I will not inform my mother that you had a fight."

Experts believe that in pre-school and primary school age, boys are more anxious, and after 12 years - girls. At the same time, girls are more worried about relationships with other people, and boys are more concerned about violence and punishment. Having committed some “unseemly” act, the girls worry that the mother or teacher will think badly of them, and the girlfriends will refuse to play with them. In the same situation, boys are likely to be afraid that they will be punished by adults or beaten.
peers.

As the authors of the book note, 6 weeks after the start school year schoolchildren usually have an increased level of anxiety, and they need a 7-10 day rest.
Anxiety of a child largely depends on the level of anxiety of adults around him. High anxiety of the teacher or parent is transmitted to the child. In families with friendly relations, children are less anxious than in families where conflicts often arise.

An interesting fact is that after the divorce of the parents, when scandals seemed to end in the family, the child’s anxiety level does not decrease, but, as a rule, increases sharply.

Psychologist E. Yu. Brel also revealed such a pattern: children's anxiety increases if parents are not satisfied with their work, housing conditions, financial situation. Maybe that is why in our time the number of anxious children is growing steadily.

There is an opinion that educational anxiety begins to form already in preschool age. This can be facilitated by the style of the teacher, as well as excessive requirements for the child, his constant comparisons with other children. In some families throughout the year preceding admission to school, in the presence of a child, there is talk of choosing a “worthy” school, a “promising” teacher. The concern of parents is passed on to children.

In addition, parents hire numerous teachers for the child and spend hours with them performing tasks. A child’s body that is not yet strong and not yet ready for such intensive training can sometimes not stand it, the baby begins to hurt, the desire to learn disappears, and anxiety about the upcoming training is growing rapidly.
Anxiety can be associated with a neurosis or other mental disorders. In these cases, the help of medical specialists is needed.

Portrait of an anxious child.

A kindergarten group (or class) includes a child. He peers intensely at everything around him, shyly, almost silently greets and awkwardly sits on the edge of the nearest chair. It seems that he expects any trouble.

This is an anxious child. There are many such children in kindergarten and school, and working with them is not easier, or even more difficult than with other categories of “problem” children, because both hyperactive and aggressive children are always in plain sight, and anxious people try to keep your problems with you.

They are distinguished by excessive anxiety, and sometimes they are afraid not of the event itself, but of its foreboding. Often they expect the worst. Children feel helpless, they are afraid to play new games, to start new activities. They have high demands on themselves, they are very self-critical. The level of their self-esteem is low, such children really think that they are worse than others in everything, that they are the most ugly, stupid, awkward. They seek encouragement, approval of adults in all matters.

Somatic problems are also characteristic of anxious children: abdominal pain, dizziness, headaches, cramps in the throat, shortness of breath, shallow breathing, etc. During the manifestation of anxiety, they often feel dry mouth, lump in the throat, weakness in the legs, heart palpitations.

How to identify an anxious child.

An experienced teacher or teacher, of course, in the very first days of meeting children will understand which of them has increased anxiety. However, before reaching the final conclusions, it is necessary to observe the child who causes concern on different days of the week, during training and free activity (at break, on the street), in communication with other children.

To understand the child, find out what he is afraid of, you can ask parents, educators (or subject teachers) to fill out a questionnaire. The answers of adults will clarify the situation, help trace family history. And observations of the child’s behavior will confirm or refute your assumption.

P. Baker and M. Alward advise to take a closer look if the following symptoms are characteristic of the child’s behavior.

Criteria for determining anxiety in a child.

1. Constant concern.
2. Difficulty, sometimes the inability to concentrate on something.
3. Muscular tension (for example, in the face, neck).
4. Irritability.
5. Sleep disturbances.

It can be assumed that the child is anxious if at least one of the criteria listed above is constantly manifested in his behavior.

In order to identify an anxious child, the following questionnaire is also used (Lavrentieva G.P., Titarenko T.M.).

Signs of Anxiety:

Anxious child
1. Can’t work for a long time without getting tired.
2. It is difficult for him to concentrate on something.
3. Any task causes unnecessary concern.
4. During the execution of tasks is very tense, constrained.
5. More embarrassed than others.
6. Often speaks of tense situations.
7. Generally blushes in an unfamiliar setting.
8. Complains that he has terrible dreams.
9. His hands are usually cold and wet.
10. He often has an upset stool.
11. Sweats heavily when worried.
12. Does not have a good appetite.
13. He sleeps restlessly, falls asleep with difficulty.
14. Shy, much causes fear in him.
15. Usually restless, easily upset.
16. Often cannot hold back tears.
17. Poorly endures waiting.
18. He does not like to take up a new business.
19. Not sure of himself, in his abilities.
20. Afraid to face difficulties.

Summarize the number of "pluses" to get an overall anxiety score.

High anxiety - 15-20 points.
Average - 7-14 points.
Low - 1-6 points.

In kindergarten, children often fear separation from their parents. It must be remembered that at the age of two to three years, the presence of this trait is permissible and explainable. But if the child in the preparatory group constantly cries when parting, does not take his eyes off the window, waiting for every second of the appearance of the parents, special attention should be paid to this. The presence of fear of separation can be determined by the following criteria (P. Baker, M. Alward).

Criteria for determining the fear of separation:

1. Repeated excessive frustration, sadness at parting.
2. Constant excessive anxiety about loss, that an adult may feel bad.
3. Constant excessive concern that any event will lead him to separation from his family.
4. The constant refusal to go to kindergarten.
5. A constant fear of being alone.
6. A constant fear of falling asleep alone.
7. Permanent nightmares in which the child is separated from someone.
8. Constant complaints of malaise: headache, abdominal pain, etc. (Children suffering from the fear of parting can actually get sick if they think a lot about what worries them.)

If at least three features were manifested in the behavior of the child for four weeks, then it can be assumed that the child really has this kind of fear.

How to help an anxious child.

Working with an anxious child is fraught with certain difficulties and, as a rule, takes a fairly long time.

1. Improving self-esteem.
2. Teaching a child the ability to control himself in specific, most exciting situations.
3. Relieving muscle tension.

Let us consider in more detail each of these areas.

Improving self-esteem.

Of course, it is impossible to increase the child’s self-esteem in a short time. It is necessary to carry out focused work daily. Address the child by name, praise him even for minor successes, mark them in the presence of other children. However, your praise must be sincere, because the children are keen on falsehood. Moreover, the child must know for what he was praised. In any situation, you can find a reason to praise the child.
It is advisable that anxious children more often participate in such games in the circle as “Compliments”, “I give you ...”, which will help them learn a lot of pleasant things about themselves from others, look at themselves “through the eyes of other children”. And so that others can learn about the achievements of each student or pupil, in the kindergarten group or in the classroom you can arrange a Star of the Week stand, on which once a week all information will be devoted to the success of a particular child.

Teaching children how to manage their behavior.

As a rule, anxious children do not report their problems openly, and sometimes even hide them. Therefore, if a child declares to adults that he is not afraid of anything, this does not mean that his words are true. Most likely, this is a manifestation of anxiety, in which the child cannot or does not want to admit.

In this case, it is advisable to involve the child in a joint discussion of the problem. In kindergarten, you can talk with children sitting in a circle about their feelings and feelings in situations that concern them. And at school, you can show children with examples of literary works that a brave person is not one who is not afraid of anything (there are no such people in the world), but one who knows how to overcome his fear.

It is advisable that each child speak out loud about what he is afraid of. You can invite children to draw their fears, and then in a circle, showing a drawing, talk about it. Such conversations will help anxious children to realize that many peers have problems similar to those that are characteristic, it seemed to them, only for them.

Of course, all adults know that you cannot compare children with each other. However, when it comes to anxious children, this technique is categorically unacceptable. In addition, it is advisable to avoid contests and such activities that compel one to compare the achievements of some children with the achievements of others. Sometimes, even such a simple event as a sports relay can become a traumatic factor.

It is better to compare the child’s achievements with his own results, shown, for example, a week ago.

If the child is anxious when performing educational tasks, it is not recommended to carry out any types of work that take into account speed. Such children should not be asked at the beginning or at the end of the lesson, but in the middle. You can’t push and rush them.

When addressing an anxious child with a request or question, it is advisable to establish eye contact with him: either you bend to him or raise the child to the level of your eyes.

Together with an adult, composing fairy tales and stories will teach the child to express in words his anxiety and fear. And even if he ascribes them not to himself, but to a fictional hero, this will help to remove the emotional burden of inner experience and to some extent will calm the child.

It is possible and necessary to train a child to manage himself in specific, most exciting situations in his daily work with him.

It is very useful to use role-playing games in working with anxious children. You can play both familiar situations and those that cause the child’s particular concern (for example, the situation “I’m afraid of the teacher, teacher” will give the child the opportunity to play with a doll symbolizing the figure of the teacher; the situation “I’m afraid of war” will allow acting on behalf of the fascist, the bomb, then there is something scary that the child is afraid of).

Games in which an adult doll plays the role of a child, and a child doll plays the role of an adult, will help the child express his emotions, and you will make many interesting and important discoveries. Anxious children are afraid to move, and it is precisely in a mobile emotional game (war, “Cossack robbers”) that a child can experience strong fear and excitement, and this will help him relieve tension in real life.

Relieve muscle tension.

When working with anxious children, it is advisable to use body contact games. Relaxation exercises, deep breathing techniques, yoga, massage and just rubbing the body are very useful.

Another way to relieve excessive anxiety is to paint your face with old mom's lipsticks. You can also arrange an impromptu masquerade show. To do this, prepare masks, costumes or just old adult clothes. Participating in the performance will help anxious children relax. And if masks and costumes are made by the hands of children (of course, with the participation of adults), the game will bring them even more pleasure.

What can parents of an anxious child do?

It is clear that not a single parent wants his child to become anxious. However, sometimes the actions of adults contribute to the development of this quality in children.

Often, parents present their child with requirements that they cannot meet. The kid cannot understand how and what to please the parents, unsuccessfully tries to achieve their love and affection. But, having suffered one failure after another, he realizes that he will never be able to fulfill everything that his mother and father expect from him. He recognizes himself not like everyone else: worse, worthless, considers it necessary to make endless apologies.

To avoid the frightening attention of adults or their criticism, the child physically and mentally restrains his inner energy. He gets used to breathing shallowly and often, his head goes to his shoulders, the child gets the habit of carefully and quietly slipping out of the room. All this does not contribute to the development of the child, the realization of his creative abilities, interferes with his communication with adults and children, so the parents of an anxious child should do everything to assure him of their love (regardless of success), of his competence in any field ( there are no completely incapable children).

First of all, parents should daily celebrate his successes, reporting them in his presence to other family members (for example, during a general dinner). Moreover, it is necessary to abandon the words that degrade the dignity of the childNo need to demand from the child an apology for this or that act, it is better to let him explain why he did it (if he wants). ("donkey", "fool"), even if adults are very annoyed and angry. If the child apologized under pressure from his parents, this may cause him not repentance, but bitterness.

It is useful to reduce the number of comments. Invite parents to try to write down all the comments made to the child within one day. In the evening, let them re-read the list. Most likely, it will become obvious to them that most of the comments could not be made: they either did not bring benefits, or only hurt you and your child.

You can not threaten children with impracticable punishments: ("Shut up, or I'll seal my mouth! I'll leave you! I'll kill you!"). They are already afraid of everything in the world. It is better if parents, as a preventative measure, without waiting for an extreme situation, talk more with the children, help them express their thoughts and feelings in words.

Affectionate touch of parents will help an anxious child to gain a sense of confidence and trust in the world. , and this will save him from the fear of ridicule, betrayal.
Parents of an anxious child should be unanimous and consistent, encouraging and punishing him. The kid, not knowing, for example, how mom will react today to a broken plate, is even more afraid, and this leads him to stress.

Parents of anxious children often themselves experience muscle tension, so relaxation exercises can be useful for them.

Such classes can be recommended not only to parents, but also to teachers. After all, it is no secret to anyone that the anxiety of parents is often passed on to children, and the anxiety of a teacher to students and pupils. That is why, before helping a child, an adult must take care of himself.

1. When communicating with a child, do not undermine the authority of other people significant to him.

2. Be consistent in your actions, do not forbid the child for no reason what you have allowed before.

3. Consider the capabilities of children, do not demand from them that they cannot fulfill. If a child is hardly given a school subject, it is better to help him once again and provide support, and if even the smallest success is achieved, do not forget to praise.

4. Trust the child, be honest with him and accept as he is.

5. If for some objective reasons it’s difficult for the child to study, choose a circle for him so that classes in him would bring him joy and he would not feel hurt.

If parents are not satisfied with the behavior and successes of their child, this is not a reason to deny him love and support. Let him live in an atmosphere of warmth and trust, and then all his many talents will manifest.

(For example, you can’t say to your child: "Your teachers understand a lot! Listen to your grandmother better!")

How to play with anxious children.

At the initial stages of working with an anxious child, the following rules should be followed:

1. Inclusion of the child in any new game should be phased. Let him first familiarize himself with the rules of the game, see how other children play it, and only then, when he wants to, will it become a participant.

2. Avoid competitive moments and games that take into account the speed of the task such as "Who is faster?"

3. If you introduce a new game, in order for the anxious child not to feel the danger of meeting with something unknown, it is better to conduct it on material already familiar to him (pictures, cards). You can use part of the instructions or rules from the game, in which the child has already played repeatedly.

Anxiety in childrenBeing an individual psychological feature, it is expressed in a tendency to worry in a variety of situations. In children, it is necessary to differentiate anxiety from anxiety. Anxiety itself almost always manifests itself without significant reasons and does not depend on a specific situation. Anxiety is inherent in a child's personality in any kind of activity.

Anxiety refers to the episodic manifestation of excitement and anxiety, and anxiety acts as a steady state. For example, it happens that a child is worried, answering at the blackboard or before speaking at a holiday, but this concern is not always expressed, and sometimes in such situations he remains calm. This is a manifestation of anxiety. If the state of anxiety is repeated constantly in various situations (during an answer at the board, talking with strangers), then this indicates the presence of anxiety.

When the baby is afraid of something specific, they talk about the manifestation. For example, the fear of the dark.

Causes of Anxiety in Children

Anxiety in children is caused by the following reasons:

disturbances in the relationship between babies and adults;

improper upbringing of babies (parents often want and demand from the child that he cannot afford: good grades, ideal behavior, leadership among children, victory in competitions).

The excessive demands of parents for the offspring are often associated with personal dissatisfaction, as well as the desire to realize their own dreams in their children. Sometimes excessive requirements can be associated with other reasons, for example, one of the parents is a leader in life and has achieved material well-being or a high position, and does not want to see a “loser” in his child, making high demands on him.

Often, the parents themselves have increased anxiety and their behavior set the baby up for anxiety. Often, parents, trying to protect their child from imaginary or all real threats, form in him a sense of defenselessness and inferiority. All this does not affect the normal development of the baby and prevents it from fully opening up, causing anxiety and fear, even in simple communication with adults and peers.

Anxiety in Preschool Children

It would seem, why do the kids worry? They have friends in the garden and in the yard, as well as loving parents.

Children's anxiety is a signal that something is going wrong in the baby’s life and no matter how much adults can comfort themselves and justify this condition, one cannot ignore it. Moreover, this does not matter at all to the daughter or son, since in preschool age anxiety can occur regardless of the gender of the baby.

The American psychologist C. Isard gives such an explanation of the terms “fear” and “anxiety”: anxiety is a combination of certain emotions, and fear is one of the emotions.

It can develop in any age range: for kids from 1 year to 3 years old, nightly fears are often present, fears of unexpected sounds are most often manifested in the 2nd year of life, as well as fear of loneliness and fear of pain associated with fear medical workers.

From 3 to 5 years old, kids fear masses of darkness, loneliness, and confined space. Fear of death becomes the main, usually an experience of 5-7 years.

How to relieve anxiety in a child? This question interests many concerned parents.

Relieving anxiety in children - psychologist's advice:

you need to get a pet: a hamster, a kitten, a puppy and entrust it to the child, however, the baby should be helped in caring for the pet. Joint animal care will help to create trust and partnership between the baby and parents, which will help reduce anxiety;

relaxing breathing exercises to relieve anxiety will be helpful;

if, nevertheless, anxiety is stable and persists for no apparent reason, then you should seek the help of a child psychologist to relieve this condition, since even minor child anxiety can subsequently cause serious mental illness.

Anxiety of primary school children

Ages 7 to 11 are filled with fear of not living up to expectations good kid and remain without respect, understanding of adults. Certain fears are inherent in each baby, but if there are a lot of them, then they talk about manifestations of anxiety.

At present, there is no single point of view regarding the causes of the development of anxiety, but most scientists attribute the violation of child-parent relations to one of the reasons. Other researchers of this problem attribute the occurrence of anxiety to the presence of a child’s internal conflict, which is caused by:

conflicting requirements imposed by adults, for example, parents do not let children go to school because of poor health, and the teacher reports for the pass and puts the “deuce” in the journal in the presence of other peers;

inadequate requirements, often exaggerated, for example, adults constantly insist on the offspring that he must bring the “five” and be an excellent student and cannot accept that he is not the best student in the class;

negative requirements that humiliate the child’s personality and make it dependent, for example, the teacher says: “If you tell me who led the children badly in my absence, I won’t tell mom that you had a fight.”

Psychologists believe that in pre-school as well as in primary school age, boys are most anxious, and girls become anxious after 12 years.

At the same time, girls are more worried about relationships with other people, and boys are more concerned about punishment and violence.

The girls, having done an “unseemly” act, worry that the teacher or mother will think badly of them, and the girlfriends will stop playing with them. In the same situation, boys are more likely to fear that their adults will be punished or beaten.

Anxiety of children of primary school age is usually manifested 6 weeks after the start of the school year, so students need a 7-10-day rest.

Anxiety of children of primary school age depends largely on the level of anxiety of adults. High anxiety of the parent or teacher is transmitted to the child. In families where friendly relations prevail, children are less anxious than in families where conflicts often arise.

Psychologists have discovered interesting factthat after the divorce of the parents, the level of anxiety in the child does not decrease, but increases.

Psychologists have revealed that children's anxiety increases if adults are not satisfied with their material situation, their work, or their living conditions. They do not exclude the possibility that in our time, precisely for this reason, the number of anxious children is growing.

Psychologists believe that educational anxiety is formed already in preschool age. Often this is facilitated by the authoritarian style of work of the educator, excessive requirements, constant comparisons with other kids.

Often in the presence of a future student in some families throughout the year there is talk of choosing a “promising” teacher and a “decent” school. Often, this concern of parents is transmitted to the offspring.

In addition, adults hire teachers to the kid who spend hours doing assignments with them. How does the baby react to this?

The child’s body, which is not yet ready and not strong for intensive training, cannot stand it and begins to hurt, and the desire to learn disappears and anxiety about the upcoming education is growing rapidly.

Children's anxiety can be associated with mental disorders, as well as with neurosis. In these cases, without the help of medical specialists can not do.

Diagnosis of anxiety in children

Anxious children are highlighted by excessive anxiety, often they fear not the event, but the very premonition of the event. Toddlers have a feeling of helplessness, they are afraid to play new games, to start unfamiliar activities.

Restless kids have high requirements, they are very self-critical. Their level is low, they think that they are worse than others in everything, that they are stupid, ugly, awkward. Approval, encouragement by adults in all matters will help relieve anxiety in such babies.

Anxiety babies are also characterized by somatic problems: dizziness, abdominal pain, cramping in the throat, difficulty breathing, headaches. When anxiety occurs, children often feel a lump in their throat, dry mouth, weak legs and a rapid heartbeat.

An anxious personality can be identified by an experienced teacher, psychologist, teacher, after observing the child on various days of the week, as well as during free activity and training, in communication with other peers.

The portrait of an anxious child includes the following signs in behavior:

staring at everything that is around;

timid, silent behavior, awkward sitting on the edge of the nearest chair.

It is more difficult for a psychologist to work with anxious personalities than with other categories of “problem” children, since this category keeps its problems to itself.

To understand the crumbs, as well as to find out what exactly he is afraid of, parents, educators, and teachers need to fill out a questionnaire. The situation of disturbing children's personalities will be clarified by the answers of adults, and observations of the baby's behavior will be refuted or confirm the assumption.

The following criteria are distinguished for determining increased anxiety:

muscle tension

constant concern;

sleep disturbances;

the impossibility and difficulty of concentrating on something;

irritability.

The baby is classified as anxious if there is always one of the listed symptoms.

Anxiety test for children

Lavrentieva G.P., Titarenko T.M., proposed the following questionnaire to identify children's anxious personality

So, signs of anxiety:

1. The kid is not able to work for a long time, quickly gets tired

2. Difficult to focus on a specific something

3. Anxiety causes any task

4. During the execution of tasks the child is constrained and tense

5. Often embarrassed

6. He says he's tense

7. Blushing in the new setting

8. Complains about nightmares

9. Hands are often wet and cold

10. Stool disorder is often noted.

11. Sweats with excitement

12. Has a bad appetite

13. Sleeps restlessly and falls asleep for a long time.

14. Shy, afraid of everything

15. Easy upset, restless

16. Often does not hold back tears

17. Does not stand waiting

18. New affairs are not encouraging

19. Always not confident in their abilities and themselves

20. Afraid of difficulties

Data processing on the test is carried out as follows: for each affirmative answer a plus is accrued, and in order to get a total score, the number of “pluses” is added up.

The presence of 15 to 20 points indicates a high level of anxiety.

The average level of anxiety is indicated by the presence of scores from 7 to 14.

A low level of anxiety is indicated by the presence of scores from 1 to 6. In a preschool, the fear of separation from parents is often inherent in babies. It should be remembered that at the age of two to three years this trait is permissible and explainable, however, if the baby in the preparatory group often cries when parting, not taking his eyes off the window and waiting every second of his parents, then special attention should be paid to this.

The criteria listed below determine whether there is a fear of separation presented by P. Baker and M. Alward.

Criteria for identifying fear of separation:

1. Sadness at parting, recurring severe disorder

2. Concern that an adult may be ill

3. Constant experience of separation from family

4. Persistent refusal to go to preschool

5. Fear of being and being left alone

6. Irresistible fear of falling asleep alone

7. Nightmares in which the baby is separated from relatives

8. Complaints of malaise: abdominal pain, headache

Often, kids who suffer from the fear of parting actually get sick if they constantly think about disturbing moments.

If three features appeared over the course of four weeks, then it is assumed that the crumbs really have this kind of anxiety and fear.

Prevention and correction of anxiety in children

Most parents themselves do not notice that anxious children have become so because of their own wrong behavior. Having learned about the appearance of fears, parents either persuade the baby to calm down, or make fun of his problem. Such misconduct will only contribute to increasing fears and anxiety, and all shouts, remarks, and jerking will cause the baby not only anxiety, but also aggression. For this reason, it is necessary to reduce the number of comments addressed to the baby and only talk calmly with him. You can not threaten, you should learn to negotiate before expressing your dissatisfaction and ponder each word intended offspring.

If an adult wants a child to grow up as a balanced and healthy person, then in the family, first of all, there should be only a favorable psychological climate that contributes to the harmonious development of the personality. Moreover, if the crumbs will trust adults and talk about their experiences, then the level of anxiety will decrease automatically.

Prevention of anxiety in children includes a discussion of all the problems of the baby, communication with him, the implementation of all joint holidays, walks, outdoor recreation. It will bring adults and kids closer only to a relaxed atmosphere that will allow you to feel free.

Working with an anxious child is fraught with difficulties of a certain plan and, as a rule, takes a long time.

teaching a child to manage himself in situations that concern him;

relieving muscle tension.

Improving self-esteem includes conducting daily focused work. The child must be addressed by name, even for minor successes to praise, celebrate them in the presence of other peers. Praise should be sincere and the child should know what it was praised for.

Learning to manage your behavior involves discussing a problem together. In kindergarten, you can do this while sitting in a circle, talking with children about feelings and feelings in exciting situations. And at school, using examples of literary works, it is necessary to show children that brave man they consider not one who is not afraid of anything, but one who knows how to overcome his fear. It is advisable that all children speak out loud about what they fear. Children should be invited to paint their fears and then talk about them. These kinds of conversations help to realize that most peers also have problems similar to those that are not unique to them.

Methods for correcting anxiety in children include refusing comparisons with other children, such as academic excellence and athletic achievement. The best option is to compare the achievements of the child with his personal results achieved, for example, a week ago.

If anxiety in a child occurs during the performance of educational tasks, then it is not recommended to carry out work at speed. Such children should be interviewed in the middle of the lesson; you should not rush or push them.

Communicate with an anxious child should first be established by contacting him with eyes or leaning toward him, or raising the child to the level of an adult's eyes.

Correction of anxiety in children includes the creation of stories and fairy tales together with adults. Even if the child attributes the anxiety not to himself, but to his hero, this can allow you to remove the inner experience and reassure the baby.

In everyday work with an anxious child, it is useful to use role-playing games. For the plot, you can use the familiar situations “I'm afraid of the teacher”, “I'm afraid of the teacher”.

Relieving muscle tension can be done using games that are based on the exchange of touches. Useful will be exercises for relaxation, yoga, deep breathing techniques, massage.

It is possible to relieve excessive anxiety in a child by arranging for him an impromptu show or masquerade. Old adult clothes and made masks are suitable for this. Participating in an impromptu performance for anxious children will help to relax.

, expressing a feeling of uncertainty, expectation of negative events, hard-to-detect forebodings.

Anxiety - an individual psychological feature, manifested in a person’s tendencyto worry strong alarm for relatively small occasions.

Anxiety disorder - This is a diagnosis of neurotic disorder, in which a person often experiences a sense of anxiety, even without any reason.

Portrait of an anxious child.The child looks intensely at everything around him, shyly, almost silently greets and awkwardly sits on the edge of the nearest chair. It seems that he expects any trouble. He is distinguished by excessive anxiety, and sometimes he is afraid not of the event itself, but of his premonition. Often he expects the worst.

The child feels helpless, is afraid to play new games, to start new activities. He has high demands on himself, he is very self-critical. His self-esteem is low.

Such children really think that they are worse than others in everything, that they are the most ugly, stupid, awkward. They seek encouragement, approval of adults in all matters.

Criteria for determining anxiety in a child:

1. Constant concern.
2. Difficulty, sometimes the inability to concentrate on something.
3. Muscular tension (for example, in the face, neck).
4. Irritability.
5. Sleep disturbances.

It can be assumed that the child is anxious if at least one of the criteria listed above is constantly manifested in his behavior.

Signs of Anxiety:

1. Can’t work for a long time without getting tired.
2. It is difficult for him to concentrate on something.
3. Any task causes unnecessary concern.
4. During the execution of tasks is very tense, constrained.
5. More embarrassed than others.
6. Often speaks of tense situations.
7. Generally blushes in an unfamiliar setting.
8. Complains that he has terrible dreams.
9. His hands are usually cold and wet.
10. He often has an upset stool.
11. Sweats heavily when worried.
12. Does not have a good appetite.
13. He sleeps restlessly, falls asleep with difficulty.
14. Shy, much causes fear in him.
15. Usually restless, easily upset.
16. Often cannot hold back tears.
17. Poorly endures waiting.
18. He does not like to take up a new business.
19. Not sure of himself, in his abilities.
20. Afraid to face difficulties.

Causes of Anxiety:

Some psychologists believe that anxiety develops as a result of the child having an internal conflict that can be caused by:

1. The conflicting requirements of the parents, or parents and the school (kindergarten). For example, parents do not let their child go to school because of poor health, and the teacher puts a "deuce" in the journal and reports to him for missing the lesson in the presence of other children.

2. Inadequate requirements (most often overpriced). For example, parents repeatedly repeat to the child that he must be an excellent student, they cannot and do not want to come to terms with the fact that a son or daughter receives not only “fives” at school and is not the best student in the class.

3. Negative requirements that humiliate the child, put him in a dependent position. For example, the teacher or teacher tells the child: "If you tell me who behaved badly in my absence, I will not inform my mother that you had a fight."

Experts believe that in pre-school and primary school age, boys are more anxious, and after 12 years - girls. At the same time, girls are more worried about relationships with other people, and boys are more concerned about violence and punishment. Having committed some “unseemly” act, the girls worry that the mother or teacher will think badly of them, and the girlfriends will refuse to play with them. In this situation, boys are likely to be afraid that they will be punished by adults or beaten by peers.

Anxiety of a child largely depends on the level of anxiety of the adults around him. High anxiety of the teacher or parent is transmitted to the child. In families with friendly relations, children are less anxious than in families where conflicts often arise.

An interesting fact is that after the divorce of the parents, when scandals seemed to end in the family, the child’s anxiety level does not decrease, but, as a rule, increases sharply.

There is such a pattern: children's anxiety increases if parents are not satisfied with their work, housing conditions, financial situation. Maybe that is why in our time the number of anxious children is growing steadily.

Anxiety can be associated with a neurosis or other mental disorders. In these cases, the help of medical specialists is needed.

How to help an anxious child.

1. Improving self-esteem.

Address the child by name, praise him even for minor successes, mark them in the presence of other children. However, your praise must be sincere, because the children are keen on falsehood. Moreover, the child must know for what he was praised. In any situation, you can find a reason to praise the child.

2. Teaching children the ability to control their behavior.

It is better to compare the child’s achievements with his own results, shown, for example, a week ago.

3. Relieving muscle tension.

When working with anxious children, it is advisable to use body contact games. Relaxation exercises, deep breathing techniques, yoga, massage and just rubbing the body are very useful.

4. Work with parents of an anxious child.

It is clear that not a single parent wants his child to become anxious. However, sometimes the actions of adults contribute to the development of this quality in children.

First of all, parents should celebrate his successes daily, reporting them in his presence to other family members (for example, during a general dinner). In addition, you must abandon the words that degrade the dignity of the child ("donkey", "fool"), even if adults are very annoyed and angry. No need to demand from the child an apology for this or that act, it is better to let him explain why he did it (if he wants). If the child apologized under pressure from his parents, this may cause him not repentance, but bitterness.

It is useful to reduce the number of comments. Invite parents to try to write down all the comments made to the child within one day. In the evening, let them re-read the list. Most likely, it will become obvious to them that most of the comments could not be made: they either did not bring benefits, or only hurt you and your child.

You can not threaten children with impracticable punishments: ("Shut up, otherwise I’ll seal my mouth! I’ll leave you! I’ll kill you!"). They are already afraid of everything in the world. It is better if parents, as a preventative measure, without waiting for an extreme situation, talk more with the children, help them express their thoughts and feelings in words.

Gentle touches of parents will help an anxious child to gain a sense of confidence and trust in the world, and this will relieve him of fear of ridicule and betrayal.

Parents of an anxious child should be unanimous and consistent, encouraging and punishing him. The kid, not knowing, for example, how mom will react today to a broken plate, is even more afraid, and this leads him to stress.

Parents of anxious children often themselves experience muscle tension, so relaxation exercises can be useful for them. But, unfortunately, our relationship with our parents does not always allow us to openly tell them about it. Not everyone can be advised to pay attention, first of all, to themselves, to their internal state, and then make demands on the child.

Every person knows the feeling of anxiety, because it is genetically laid down to mobilize the body in case of any danger. However, if the excitement occurs for no apparent reason and is continuous, it can lead to serious consequences if measures are not taken in time.

For example, if a child is afraid to do something for the first time (go to school, see a doctor, etc.), this is a normal reaction to the unknown. However, if fear and anxiety arise frequently and unreasonably, this indicates increased anxiety, with which it is necessary to work.

Signs of Increased Anxiety

Usually an anxious child stands out from the crowd. Unlike other children, he is not characterized by restlessness, activity and sociability, he tries to keep his problems to himself. Often he speaks timidly and uncertainly, because of low self-esteem he constantly seeks the approval of others in all matters. Also, quite often anxious children are disturbed by psychosomatic problems: dizzy, stomach ache, with severe anxiety, dry mouth and heart palpitations.

The following signs of anxiety in a child are distinguished: chronic anxiety, difficulty with concentration, stiffness, shyness, increased sweating during excitement, poor appetite, insecurity in oneself and one's strengths, sleep disturbances, nightmares, fear of new things, inability and unwillingness to solve difficulties.

Causes of Anxiety

Experts believe that the main cause of anxiety is the disharmony of parent-child relationships. Since parents are the most significant adults for the child, their activities significantly affect his perception of the world and behavior. In order for the child to not have an internal conflict, it is very important that everything around is understandable, and the behavior of parents is predictable. Therefore, mom and dad should not:

1 . Make conflicting demandsthat injure the fragile psyche of the baby. It is very important that adults adhere to a single line of behavior, for example, if mom allows her son to take a walk in the yard, and in the evening dad will yell at him for it, there is a high probability of self-doubt, lack of independence and initiative.

2 . Make excessive demands that form low self-esteem. It is important to understand that everyone has individual abilities, all children can not be excellent students or athletes, as parents want. Therefore, it is impossible to put pressure on the child in any case.

3 . Humiliate a child, suppress his will and desires, limit in activities that bring him pleasure. There is a fine line between this promotion of development and permissiveness, which is very important to observe.

4 . Swear and scandal at a child. The benevolent and positive atmosphere in the family has a positive effect on the psyche of the baby, so in no case should it conflict before his eyes.

What to do?

First of all, it is important to understand that the problem of increased anxiety is quite serious, therefore it can not be solved in one day, and requires considerable effort from parents. Work with anxiety should be daily and focused. In general, they work with anxious children in three main areas: increasing self-esteem, relieving stress and learning to manage oneself in exciting situations.

1. Increase self-esteem

Improving self-esteem is the foundation for the development of a successful and prosperous personality, therefore its role in education is indispensable. First of all, it is important to contact the child by name, to praise even for minor achievements, to celebrate them in the presence of other children. It is imperative that this praise be sincere, because children acutely feel the falsity.

It is very important to exclude from the vocabulary offensive and harsh words that can degrade the dignity of the child. Also, do not forcibly demand an apology from the baby for a perfect misconduct, because this can cause anger. It is much better to ask him to explain why he did this.

A useful innovation will be the creation of a special stand for the child, in which all his positive achievements, even the smallest ones, will be celebrated. Such a stand can be made in the shape of the sun, completing achievements in the form of rays, a flower, with petals, etc.

2. Stress relief

In this case, bodily contact with an anxious child has a beneficial effect. Thanks to the simplest hugs, an approving pat on the shoulder or a warm pat on the back or head, the baby feels safe, this will help him calm down and relax. Massage and rubbing are also recommended.

Very good improvised performances and masquerades. After all, there is nothing complicated in getting old clothes and playing dress-ups with the whole family. Or to decorate faces like those of clowns or animals. Such fun brings a lot of joy to the children, they help to liberate and unleash the inner potential of the individual.

3. Self-control in exciting situations

Due to excessive stiffness and shyness, provoked by increased anxiety, children often hide their problems. Therefore, if a child says that everything is fine, this is not necessarily true. Therefore, it is very important to find contact with the baby. This can be achieved by discussing a particular problem. If a child talks about his feelings and feelings, he will become much easier.

A composition of fairy tales with parents gives a very good effect.

This helps to remove the emotional burden of internal experiences, and also teaches the child to make decisions independently.

You can also ask the child to draw his own fear, but he should do it only at will. Drawing will help to pour out the accumulated emotions. In addition, after the symbol of fear is drawn, parents can also pick up pencils and draw a funny mustache or funny hat with their child. This will amuse the baby, and help him cope with fear.

From all of the above, we can conclude that even with such a serious problem as increased anxiety, you can cope. The main thing is to show care, attention and love for your child. Parental support is the key to success in the healthy psyche of the baby, thanks to the family atmosphere of warmth and trust, he will show all his many talents.

Usually called an increased tendency to experience fear and anxiety. In some situations, anxiety is justified and even useful: it mobilizes a person, avoids danger, or solves a problem. This is the so-called situational anxiety.

But it happens that anxiety accompanies a person in all life circumstances, even objectively prosperous. That is, it becomes a stable personality trait.

Such a person experiences constant unaccountable fear, an indefinite sense of threat. Any event is perceived as unfavorable and dangerous.

An anxious child is constantly depressed, is on guard, it is difficult for him to establish contacts with others. The world is perceived as frightening and hostile. Underestimated self-esteem and a gloomy look at one’s future are gradually being consolidated. In this case, we are talking about increased anxiety.

Where does increased anxiety come from?

If at home, the family has a constantly disturbing and suspicious atmosphere. If the parents themselves are always afraid of something and worry about something. This condition is very contagious, and the child adopts in adults an unhealthy form of response to everything, even ordinary life events.

If the child lacks information (or uses inaccurate information). Try to keep track of what he is reading, what programs he is watching, what emotions he is experiencing. Sometimes it’s hard for us to understand how children interpret an event.

However, anxious children can grow up not only among anxious parents. The authoritarian style of parenting in the family also does not contribute to the inner calm of the child. Parents who do not doubt and do not worry firmly know what and how to achieve from life. And most importantly, what do they want to achieve from their child. Such a child must constantly meet the high expectations of adults. He is in a situation of constant intense expectation: he managed - he could not please his parents. It is especially difficult for a child if the demands and reactions of adults are unpredictable and inconsistent.

The conflicting requirements imposed by parents, or by parents and school (kindergarten). For example, parents do not let their child go to school because of poor health, and the teacher puts a "deuce" in the journal and reports to him for missing the lesson in the presence of other children.
Inadequate requirements (most often overpriced). For example, parents repeatedly repeat to the child that he must be an excellent student, they cannot and do not want to come to terms with the fact that a son or daughter receives not only “fives” at school and is not the best student in the class.
Negative requirements that humiliate the child, put him in a dependent position. For example, the teacher or teacher tells the child: "If you tell me who behaved badly in my absence, I will not inform my mother that you had a fight."

Experts believe that in pre-school and primary school age, boys are more anxious, and after 12 years - girls. At the same time, girls are more worried about relationships with other people, and boys are more concerned about violence and punishment. Having committed some “unseemly” act, the girls worry that the mother or teacher will think badly of them, and the girlfriends will refuse to play with them. In this situation, boys are likely to be afraid that they will be punished by adults or beaten by peers.

What needs to be done so that anxiety does not become a stable personality trait of your child?

If possible, of course, control their reactions to various life circumstances. Only teach necessary safety precautions. The world should not be presented to the child exclusively as hostile, where misfortunes await him at every step.

Do not turn a child’s life into a constant struggle for achievement. Your approval is supposed to him not only as a reward for success, but simply because he is yours. Constant fears, anxiety will not help, but rather prevent him from achieving something significant in life.

Sometimes children do not speak directly about their anxiety. They are noisy, trying to attract the attention of children and adults with clownish or hooligan antics. They need understanding and sympathy, and their behavior they achieve the exact opposite result.

Some children tell fantastic, fictional stories about themselves. Or they constantly ask adults for help, try to occupy them exclusively with their own. Others show excessive friendliness to adults, too preoccupied to win the approval and sympathy of others. They always agree with everyone. Sometimes adults are satisfied with the last version of behavior - the child’s efforts to earn the recognition of others. But this emotional dependence may persist even when the child grows up.

How to help an anxious child?

It is very useful for such a child to attend group psychocorrectional classes - after consulting a psychologist. The topic of child anxiety is sufficiently developed in psychology, and usually the effect of such activities is noticeable.

One of the main ways to help is the desensitization method. The child is sequentially placed in situations of concern to him. Starting with those who only worry him a little, and ending with those that cause great anxiety and even fear.

If this method is used in adults, then it must be supplemented with relaxation, relaxation. For young children, this is not so simple, so relaxation is replaced by sucking on sweets.

Use in work with children (in the "scary school", for example). Scenarios are selected depending on which situations disturb the child the most. Applied techniques for drawing fears, stories about their fears. In such classes, the goal is not to completely rid the child of anxiety. But they will help him more freely and openly express his feelings, increase self-confidence. Gradually, he will learn to control his emotions more.

Try at home to do one of the exercises with your child. Anxious children are often prevented from coping with some task by fear. “I won’t succeed,” “I won’t be able to,” they tell themselves. If the child refuses to get down to business for these reasons, ask him to imagine a baby who knows and knows much less than he does. For example, she does not know how to count, does not know letters, etc. Then let him imagine another child who is likely to cope with the task. It will be easy for him to make sure that he has gone far from lack of courage and can, if he tries, come closer to full skill.

Now ask him to say: “I can’t ...” - and explain to himself why it is difficult for him to complete this task. “I can ...” - note that now he can do it. "I can ..." - how much he will cope with the task, if he does his best. Emphasize that everyone cannot do something, cannot do something, but everyone, if he wants, will achieve his goal.

How to identify an anxious child

It is necessary to observe a child of concern on different days of the week, during education and free activity (at a break, on the street), in communication with other children. See →

It is clear that not a single parent wants his child to become anxious. However, sometimes the actions of adults contribute to the development of this quality in children ... See