Find the right solution in a difficult situation. How to get out of difficult life situations
We are all human, we are all human. In life, various difficulties can occur: the loss of a loved one, dismissal from work, robbery, illness, depression ... Even banal chronic fatigue and stress in some life span also make our existence difficult and unpleasant. So what to do when you realize that you just need to go through it? How to help yourself to hold out is unclear how long a difficult time lasts?
Do you have any questions or suggestions in addition to these steps? Leave a comment and share your suggestion so that we can improve more and more. Most of the time we are not aware of this, but we always choose something, even when we choose not to choose, we choose.
Leave the window open or closed. A course that I like or that gives money. Work on a job that brings me more satisfaction or something that pays better. Talk to this boy or not. Go to work or drive. Give the receptionist a nice day or go straight. Take this subway or the next one. Wake up on time or sleep for another 5 minutes. Be biased or respectful. Be honest or walk your leg. Attach a red spotlight or wait.
I propose one way that at one time helped me more easily to transfer a complex gap from my life. Then I was not able to work in a foreign country, I broke up with my beloved boyfriend, for whom I changed my whole life, had chickenpox (in adulthood), suffered emotional burnout and a complete collapse of all life values and trends. At the same time, I also learned about the illness of my father, and was forced to return home completely lost - because now I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, what I should do and what I now dream of. All this horror would be enough for a long study and raking more than one month.
Solve the problem now or leave it for later. There are many options that we make during the day, some seem very superficial, but they can have a big impact on your life. Whether you thought about opening the window of my bedroom before leaving for work, changing the weather, big rain and flooding my room, my laptop, video games and television, this will certainly affect my life and will not be the best!
The choice can be very simple or very difficult. There are times when we choose something, and after a while we repent, and sometimes we stop choosing something and also repenting. Stopping, reflection, visualization of both options will allow us to get a clearer picture of the situation and reduce the likelihood of a wrong choice.
I understood that it just happened. This is my reality, when it happened that a lot of things should be changed, solved and done in almost all areas of my life. I knew that I could gradually find a way out of all difficult situations. It only took time. It would have been impossible to solve everything right away. However, to be in this terrible emotional chaos was absolutely impossible. It was also very pressing that I did not know how long it would last? How long will it take me to make my life happy again? It is very hard to keep courage when you are left alone, without work and confidence in your career plans, exhausted and without the desire to do something in a foreign country with a lot of minor physical troubles, realizing that you have to go back to where you thought you had left for a long time.
Choosing a bet on something, he often goes out of our comfort zone and how difficult it is to get out of this place. Our comfort zone is characterized as a sequence of actions, thoughts and actions to which we are accustomed to do, that is, we do not cause us fear, anxiety, panic. To get out of this comfort zone, you need to clear the forest, which we do not know, to swim in the sea, never swam, and not us.
The comfort zone is a quiet place, without much action, adrenaline or adventure. The reality is that we dominate, that we take from the letter, but this often leaves us stagnant, without the prospect of evolution, transformation. A person moves by novelties, achievements, challenges.
And I went to a desperate step. It seemed to me that I had nothing to lose. It would not be worse.
I began to dream of a time when everything will be left behind.
Being in that dreadful state, when everything is bad and bad for a long time and at the same time it is not clear how to change it, I tried to imagine how it happens when everything is good? What, this will not be now for some long time?
Coming back, a comfort zone, to get out of it, you need to take risks and take risks, we need courage. To risk leaving our monotonous work, to open our business, to risk making a college that we dreamed of so much, to risk our hearts, to finish this relationship years that made us bad, to have this difficult conversation with our parents, to take responsibility and there you go.
To be able to do what your soul asks, what your heart asks, what your intuition orders. The result may be positive or negative, but the sense of risk, betting on yourself is wonderful. How often do we stop doing something that we want to fear to take risks? Do not accept misfortune, transform it. Allow yourself to live life in the best possible way in your reality, in your context. Risk, when possible, get out of your comfort zone, experience the world that awaits you here.
I decided to imagine the “good” that will surely come, sooner or later. And since I had no choice, I described the “good” I dream about. I didn’t know what needed to be done to solve all current problems. I didn't know how long it would take. But I knew where I wanted to go and - the most important thing! - how I want to feel myself.
This is wonderful, this is exciting, this is useful. Think about what you have done without will and mood, and try to find out if there is another possibility in some other way. It is said that life is what happens when we are busy with other things. Usually this phrase is often used by those who are tired of working more than 10 hours a day, always staying close to two or more unfinished tasks and skipping lunch in the hope of promoting a list that seems endless. These people repeat it as if it were a mantra, it was a good reason to leave the peak at another time and relax without guilt.
When you do not even know what else to dream, you can plan at least an internal sensation.
And I wrote a story.
About a girl who was going through a difficult time in her life. Which turned out to be in a black hole and tried to get out with all its might. And how after a while she felt that she had got out. In the text, this is a moment close to the final when the heroine looks at the stars. It is at this point that she realizes that the difficulties are left behind, no matter how terrible at first they seemed. And it was these emotions, the fact that she lived, looking at the sky, was for me the most important thing.
However, it seems to me ridiculous to determine that life occurs only in these moments of relaxation. It is much easier for me to accept that this happens when we work, when we rest, when we are happy, and also when we face difficult situations. That is: life happens every second. In the end, we do not stop living when we are engaged in something, are we?
No matter how interesting or monotonous, what we do will always be an experience. Please note that even with this, we can still find mechanisms that will allow us to “avoid” life. However, this flight is much less rational than we thought. To live, it's not enough to celebrate a happy hour with friends in the office, you have to experience that moment of body and mind - and this is the hard part.
I wrote how I want to feel, overcoming all difficulties. And I fixed this moment in physical reality. I wanted to understand this, looking at the starry sky.
Last week in the evening - just like in a fictional story then - I stopped, amazed by the unusual beauty of the night sky. "It can be seen that the weather will be good tomorrow," I thought. Recalling the past good day, I thought about how happy that everything in my life is now taking shape as I wanted. Like all the problems and difficulties left behind.
Our thoughts are uncontrollable, like children at a children's party. If you are a parent, you can easily follow one or two people and avoid unrest. But if such a party takes place inside your home, and there are 15 more children without any observation, the situation is likely to get out of control sooner or later. We cannot take care of them at the same time, just as we cannot closely monitor all the thoughts that we have.
However, if you gather all the friends of your child in the yard, for example, they will stop running between the living room, the kitchen and the rooms of the house. Thus, it is much easier to sit down, take a piece of the pie and just watch the children play, without madness. The solution sounds easy, right? So why not apply it to ideas that pop up all the time in our heads?
And then it dawned on me. It was the realization of the technique of overcoming severe life situationsthat just turned.
I advise you to:
If something very unpleasant is now oppressing you in life and you don’t even really know how to deal with it and what you want to get, write a story. Make the main character very similar to yourself. Put it in the same difficulties that you experience yourself. For the period of overcoming difficulties, you can put just an ellipsis, the phrase “The time has passed” or something of your own that will mark that segment in days, weeks, months when the task will be solved. And most importantly - write a bright ending. It should be positive, pleasant. The main character must be aware that he has overcome all difficulties. And let him do it in the conditions in which you yourself would like to realize it. If you want to enjoy a victory by the sea, let your hero realize his victory by the sea. If you want to see your satisfied face in the mirror in time, describe how the main character realizes his achievements while looking at himself in the mirror.
Stop for a while and notice the flow of thought: do you see that they are running between the rooms of your mind? There are no rooms and rooms here, but these frauds are constantly changing, moving between past, present, future and other imaginary nooks and crannies. If we do not want to lose control of them, we need to return attention, where we can observe their movements.
Of all the rooms of our mind, to which thoughts have access, we can only physically be present. The past has ceased to exist and has become a memory, and the future is just a set of plans that can be changed every second. In fact, there is only the present.
I wish you the most favorable resolution of the tasks that you now face in life.
A modern person can get into a difficult life situation, from which, it seems, there is no way out, because of setting the wrong goal, or because of a succession of consistent, thoughtless, weak choices, or because of circumstances beyond his control. As a result of this, the hands are lowered, anger and irritation arises on oneself, on circumstances which caused this situation, and at the same time the very desire to do something and to change something disappears, because your efforts to get out of it are not only wasted, but also do not bring a concrete result. And then a natural question arises: what to do and in which direction to move, if it is impossible to influence circumstances, it remains to change attitudes towards them and find meaning even in one’s suffering and in one’s current failure, as found by Victor Frankl, who passed through the Nazi concentration camp, and in spite of such a difficult experience, in which human life itself was devalued and exposed to every minute danger, he not only survived, but also proved from his experience that his ideas were right, without losing faith in life.
Unlike a small party, where we can always go after a fujon child and put it under our eyes again, we cannot reach all of our thoughts, since most of it is hidden in inaccessible places. We can see them, but we can never touch them without coming to us, in the present.
The problem is that we spend too much time thinking about how to catch them, forgetting to keep track of who is right in front of us. It is this thought that needs your attention now; it needs to live. Remember: life is what happens when we think about other things. Train your mind to focus on the present and live!
Changing the attitude, the next step is to ask yourself the question: what exactly does this situation teach me and what kind of experience and what experiences does it bring .. And only having realized all this, you should look for a way out of it.
If the situation concerns the financial side and is associated with debts. It should specifically define what and to whom you owe, who can make concessions who does not, for in any case the money must be given back. We will have to negotiate, refinance, find additional sources of income (both legal and non-legal, I do not mean a criminal way of earning), make new connections and most importantly avoid hasty and rash decisions, which have caused the situation.
Termination of a relationship is in itself difficult. Thus, ending an abusive relationship may be even more difficult. You know what the warning signs are, but it may be that you once woke up and realized that you were trapped, and now you do not know how to get out.
Ending abusive relationships is not something that can be done overnight. First of all, your security is always important, you need a backup copy and you need to pay more attention. “People need to identify this before they enter into a relationship,” explains our super-specialist and psychologist. People who engage in abusive relationships often have very low self-confidence and self-esteem, and the profile of people who have such a relationship is to take away the weaknesses of another, reduce, insult and reappraise.
Another aspect is that a compromise can be reached with some banks. Yes, and bailiffs, not in their name, the same are people with whom you can conduct an adequate dialogue. At the same time, one should not, of course, disclose all of his cards and advertise additional sources of income, which, with a reasonable approach and accumulation, may ultimately become a guarantee of successful negotiations in the future and weaken financial pressure.
This is a contradiction: “you best person in the world "and" you are the worst person in the world. " And it is in this game that people fall into the trap more. So, according to Camila, there are some steps that need to be followed in order to get out of relationships that move so strongly with what a woman thinks about herself.
These women need to stop and meet. “See what she wants from life, what kind of relationship she wants from life, and how to work,” Camila explains. That is, this is a moment of recognition: realize that the relationship in which you are located is not ideal and look for that or a husband. She needs to choose who she wants. At this point, the help of a professional is necessary for you to discover for yourself, but the most important thing here is to recognize that something needs to be changed.
And the most important thing is to find certain psychotechnics that would be able to maintain your well-being and condition at the proper level, because ultimately not only a strong choice, but also the ability and the very desire to exit from difficult situation, and also from spiritual crisis and life deadlock.
Secondly, not to lose heart and not to dwell on their failures, remembering the famous aphorism of Friedrich Nietzsche, “What does not kill us makes us stronger”
Give up the fear of being alone
Camila explains that a person with low self-esteem is already prone to despair regarding relationships - she needs to confirm that someone loves her, and if despair becomes even more, she is subject to some kind of relationship so as not to be lonely, She needs to understand , that she, that she needs to have other things in life. Relationships are a consequence. Courtship or the lack of it can not be focused only on one person and in a romantic relationship. This requires a balance between professional and personal life, physical and mental health.
Thirdly, any crisis not only makes us think about cause-effect relationships, but also gives a chance to change our environment and make new and useful contacts.
Fourthly, it is necessary not only to draw lessons from the crisis, but also to find a certain benefit in them, i.e. practical use.
P / S. For everyone who signed up for a consultation, the unique free gift is the meditation technique “Walk with Fortune”.
Do not believe in the myth of change
There are several levels of abusive relationships, but in none of them let the other influence the self-esteem that you have restored, with myths and legends that will completely change. Of course, there are cases and cases, people and people, and changes are possible depending on the context and the changes you make in your life. However, if you realize that you are becoming more confident, while others say that you are changing, but keep the same behaviors, do not be flexible: Camila explains that this is a way for another person to monitor the situation. "These psychological games in abusive relationships are very strong, and you need to observe the image of the person with whom he is."
